


The Angelic Trick to Getting Yo Man

by ThimblesEcho23



Series: The Angelic Trick To.... [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Cosmo - Freeform, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, Jealousy, Lots of Groping, M/M, Sexual innuendos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-30
Updated: 2013-01-30
Packaged: 2017-11-27 12:33:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/662046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThimblesEcho23/pseuds/ThimblesEcho23
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This story starts the same way a lot of them do, with Dean being a dick and Cas getting tired of it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Angelic Trick to Getting Yo Man

**Author's Note:**

> Beta read by the fantastic obsession-rules-me :] So first this is kind of an AU of season 6 and 7 if they hadn't gone all stupid. Cas never went grr I'm god basically. Some of you may recognise the OC from my other story because I'm super attached to my OCs, no seriously it's kind of unhealthy. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing except for Deans socks, don't ask how. The rest belongs to Kripke I guess...

The light artificial breeze rustles the leaves of the tree above him and Castiel lets out a long drawn out sigh. It is his thirty second of the hour and he is well aware that he is getting dangerously close to angelic sulking. He is currently hiding in his favorite heaven, sprawled out in the grass like he has seen many humans on earth do when they were upset. This profound nirvana that humans reach by aimlessly laying about in parks doesn't seem to extend to angels because Castiel has been lying in his current position for a few good hours and isn't any less confused or frustrated by his current conundrum.

The almost insignificant shift of the environment announces the arrival of one of his brethren but Castiel continues to stare determinedly at the dancing leaves above him hoping that whomever it is will get the hint and leave him to what he is sure is most definitely angelic sulking. He listens to the crunching of grass as the interloper approaches him. He expects angry words or at least a look of frustration but instead is met with a mess of black curls and amused light grey-blue eyes.

"I didn't think our kind was capable of pouting but then again you are always the exception Castiel." Arielle smiles. She plops down on the grass beside him and takes in their environment before speaking. "I could feel your pathetic emo-fest all the way across heaven while I was visiting the soul of my vessel. This wouldn't be about the Winchesters would it?"

Castiel doesn't know what an 'emo-fest' is so instead of responding he decides to close his eyes. He can feel his grace vibrate happily at being so close to another angel, he so rarely sees his family anymore. Arielle leans in closer, as if she can sense the need in his grace and when he opens his eyes she is smiling at him again. She is one of the few angels who still speaks to Castiel, most of them avoid him. She spends a great deal of her time on earth enjoying the decadence and sins humans offer and Castiel sometimes wonders if that makes her an outcast as well. She had once been a well respected, fierce warrior of heaven. Not that anyone would guess it if they saw her [now](http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8203576/1/The-Angelic-trick-to-getting-yo-man) getting grass stains on her tight black jeans and Led Zeppelin t-shirt.

 _Dean loves Led Zeppelin._ Ah, his mind always makes it's way to Dean eventually. Back to moping then.

"Want to go smite something?" Her voice is gentle, if not a bit teasing. He doesn't take it personally, she always sounds like she is teasing.

"No." Castiel scowls.

"Do you uhh wanna talk about your feelings or whatever?" She says 'feelings' like a human five year old says 'cooties' but he knows the offer is genuine. Most angels would not approve of his behavior but Arielle isn't like most of their siblings. She might understand and so Castiel sits up and looks into his friends concerned eyes.

He explains the complicated relationship that Dean and he have, the trials and victories. When something particularly dramatic happens he is rewarded with a gasp or careless comment of 'what a dick weasel,' mostly when pertaining to enemies and occasionally Dean. Other then that she stays respectfully silent and neutral, until he gets to their most recent trial. Her eyes widen in shock when Castiel explains the passionate night he had shared with Dean in the back of the Impala. How Dean had acted oddly afterwards and refused to acknowledge that anything had changed between them at all. How Dean picked up his old habit of going out to bars and soliciting women, whether Castiel was there or not. At the end of his story Castiel visibly deflates and lays back down into the plushy comfort of the grass. Arielle thinks on the matter before a smile slowly creeps onto her pretty face.

"My dear Castiel, as your only friend it is my duty to fix your romantic woes and I just so happen to have the perfect guide how to." Castiel looks at her with what most would assume is a blank look but what she knows is his equivalent to a human bitch face and she rolls her eyes. "Don't look at me like that, I am serious. Humans have these fantastic things called 'women's magazines' to correct these very issues."

Arielle stands and offers him her hand twiddling her fingers impatiently when he hesitates. He wonders numbly what he is getting himself into as he acceptes her hand and feels heaven shift away.

They spend an entire week preparing for what Arielle calls 'a battle of wills' and it is one of the oddest weeks of Castiel's existence. When he isn't being forced to read odd human guides to flirtations and 'How to Blow his Mind in Bed' he is being subjected to dance lessons and wardrobe changes. During the week he occasionally hears Dean call for him but Arielle manages to tackle him before he can fly away. She is oddly fast for someone who is so lazy about battle training these days. She reminds him angrily that Dean must learn that Castiel is not simply at his beck and call whenever he feels the whim. This always ends in Castiel being forced to read yet another article on fellatio or some other odd human sex ritual.

When Dean prays for him on Thursday Castiel simply sends him a message on his phone informing Dean what monster he was dealing with and how to kill it. It takes everything he has not fly over to where Dean is. As he ignores Dean's second message Arielle gushes at him and squeals out, "I'm so proud."  
At the end of the week, thanks to his advanced angelic ability to learn, Castiel is deemed ready to go see Dean. He is changed into new clothes and reminded of his lessons before Arielle gives him an enthusiastic hug and a smack on his rear.

-

Dean is not being a bitch, Sam is the bitch if anybody's the bitch. Okay so he has been a little grumpy lately but it's been a long week and Dean hasn't had time to even stop for a drink. It's Friday and they have just finished their hunt thanks to Cas' impersonal but helpful text. _Who the hell taught Cas to text anyways_? Probably Sam. _Stupid Sam, Sam is definitely the bitch in the room_ Dean decides angrily as he flips through channels on his bed.

Sam proves him right when he lets out a girlish sigh, "Dude lets go out. You are starting to depress me, man."

Out? As in out to a bar? Hell yeah Dean is down with that.

"Hell yeah, man. Lets go! I saw a bar a down the street." Dean hops off the bed and is pulling on his jacket when the familiar sound of wings echoes in the room. Dean tenses preparing himself for the personal space invasion but it wasn't necessary because Cas appears next to Sam, not Dean.

"Hello Sam, Dean."

 _Hello Sam?_ Since when does Cas say hi to Sam first? _Angels are fickle dicks_. Dean is so busy grumbling to himself about fickle angels when he finally looks up he is surprised to see Cas isn't dressed like the holy flasher anymore. He is wearing a plain pair of jeans and blue button-up shirt that does awesome things for his eyes. The top buttons are even fashionably undone exposing a little bit of his chest and throat, sleeves neatly rolled up to his elbows. His clothes aren't baggy like his accountant get up but fit snuggly without being insanely tight, just enough to leave a bit to the imagination but you still get a peek of the defined muscles underneath.

"Hey Cas, we finished up that hunt. Thanks for the help man. We we're just about to go out to get a victory drink, wanna come?" Sam smiles and _Sam is officially now the Queen of Bitches._

Cas does that weird not smile he does, the one he usually gives to Dean, and nods. "I would very much enjoy that Sam."

Dean apparently doesn't get a say in it so they all begin the short march down to the bar, walking in companionable silence. The entire walk Dean resists the urge to peek at the sliver of skin exposed on Cas chest or when he falls behind a bit the complimentary way the jeans cling to his ass. _Angels shouldn't be allowed to wear jeans that cling to their ass like that,_ Dean decides _, it's sin entrapment or some shit._

When they get there the bar isn't the usual type of place they go to but it has alcohol so Dean says _fuck it_ and heads to a table. There is a small dance floor in the back with weird random songs playing from one of those big modern juke boxes Dean hates. He isn't looking forward to this next part even as he scans the room for a possible lay. The last time Cas came to a bar with them he had glared at Dean and the girl he was flirting with so intensely Dean thought her head was going to explode. When Dean left with the girl Cas had looked so sad Dean had to resist the urge to run back to beg forgiveness.

His worries are once again unfounded though because when a hot little blonde that is just Dean's type comes over Cas doesn't even bat an eye. Just continues his drinking game with Sam, which _seriously_ Sam a drinking game against an angel? Aren't you supposed to be the smart brother? Dean is trying to concentrate on August the hot blonde but keeps getting distracted by the smooth way Cas takes shots and the way, now that the tie is gone, when he tips his head back Dean can see his Adams Apple bob, the way his throat works. August thankfully is just as dense as most of Dean's conquests and continues to rub her boobs against him and talk about how awesome it must be to work for the FBI.

The night goes on and they start accumulating a nice pyramid of shot glasses, most of which are Cas. The music has gotten louder and changed to more dance stuff and its the kind of music Dean particularly loathes. Cas is being annoyingly cool about August and Dean can't even be mad at him because it's not like he is ignoring Dean, he just isn't… being Cas. No intense staring or personal space problems and _it's insanely frustrating when I can't get mad at him for just doing what I have been asking him to do for years_.

Sam has managed to acquire one of those hot librarian types into his lap and seems to be trying to teach her CPR or something, Dean feels kind of proud. Cas doesn't seem too put out by any of it, not even when August gets in Dean's lap and starts to whisper dirty shit that would usually get Dean going real fast but he is only half listening. Instead he is watching Cas watch the crowd of dancers and, to Deans surprise, occasionally his eyes wander over a girl or boys ass. It seems Cas isn't really all that picky about sexuality. He actually looks kind of bored until Dean follows his eyes to the bar.

Sitting at the bar shooting back a shot like a pro is a hot little thing sitting by herself, a few guys approach but she looks bored and rebuffs them all pretty quick. She peels off her leather coat revealing a black leather vest that doesn't contain her nice sized breasts very well and the leather skirt clinging to her ass isn't doing much covering either. Her long black curls bounce(along with other more distracting things, thank you very much) when she starts to sway her hips along to the music. When she twirls around her eyes find their table and she pauses before licking her lips and continuing her dance. Only it's more provocative if that's even possible, her hands wandering over her own body as she bends and sways.

It's not the proudest moment of Dean's life when he realizes he isn't checking the chick out because she is insanely hot but because he is jealous that Cas is and Cas, by the way, totally is all over that. Who wouldn't right?  
Most of the men in the bar who aren't already with someone are, some that do have dates still are and a few of the women too. Dean turns back to August who is scowling at the dancing siren like she kicked her puppy or something. Dean decides to distract himself by kissing her but her lips aren't as soft as they looked and she tastes like tequila.

The song changes and Dean pulls back to find the dancing girl gone, thank god. _Get over yourself Dean_ his inner Sam hisses but fuck that. Sam is totally drunk right now and groping a stranger.  
Dean scans the bar and his heart drops when he notices that dancing girl hasn't left but is actually heading towards them with a tray of shots. A wicked smile playing on her ruby red painted lips as she leans over the table.

"Drink with me handsome?" Her voice is smooth with a slight southern drawl and Dean totally hates himself for admitting that it's sexy as hell.

"He's kind of busy." August snaps angrily and the dancing girl turns to shoot a glare at August that makes her snuggle closer to Dean and shut up.

"Good thing I wasn't talking to him then," and to Deans utter horror she leans across the table to give Cas what Dean knows from years of experience flirting in bars is definitely an awesome view of her cleavage. Dean chokes on his beer and August has to pat his back when Cas leans across the table and gets right into the girls personal space.

"Are you sure you can keep up with me?" He growls and Dean not only hates himself but his dick for jumping at the way he says it, laced with dirty promises and innuendo. The girl takes her lower lip into her teeth to nibble for a second and Cas eyes follow the motion when she licks it after before smiling brightly.

"Bring it, cowboy." She coos and shoves a shot glass into Cas' hand, the rest of the shots are handed out and Sam scoots over so the girl can sit next to Cas. They're sitting in a pretty big booth and the other girls are in Dean's and Sam's laps so Dean notes bitterly that there is no reason that she should be lingering in Cas' space. Introductions are made and even though she smiles and nods politely when everyone is introduced she never really stops glancing at Cas. Her name apparently isn't 'evil siren' but is in fact Elly but that's all the information they get before she is dragging Cas to the dance floor when some tango song comes on.

Cas is awkward as fuck at the best of times and Dean feels himself relax when the thought that she will probably ditch Cas when she finds out that Cas can't dance, let alone fucking tango. He turns his attention back to August now that the catastrophe is over, not that Cas getting laid is a catastrophe, just when its with someone so… attractive? No that's wrong. With anyone other than Dean? No, that one is totally wrong.

Dean is close to actually getting into making out with August and his hand is sneaking up her belly towards the wonderland known as her boobs when one of Sam's massive hands smacks him and throws off the rhythm he had worked so damn hard to get into.

Sam's face is red from laughing and the girl on his lap looks a little scandalized. "What Sam?"

"Dude, look at Cas!" Sam slurs with a goofy smile and points to the dance floor.

"It's not nice to laugh at the man Sammy." Dean lectures but still turns and for the second time that night wastes a good drink of beer, only this time with a slight spit take which just makes Sam and his date laugh harder.

Cas is pressed close to Elly with one of her legs hooked up by his hand while the other hand wanders over her ass. Their hips move together with the music sensually as she bends back gracefully. Cas, oh god Dean is about freak out, licks his way up her chest as she does. She laughs and loops her arms around Cas' neck leaning forward and whispering something into Cas' ear that earns one of those small secret smiles that Dean's been in total denial about missing lately. Even August looks shocked and she was just trying to give Dean a hand job through his jeans in a bar.

The song changes and Cas and Elly twists around so that Cas has his hands on her hips and her ass is pressed against his crotch. Dean feels like one of those people watching a poltergeist, telling themselves it's not really happening the whole time. Translation: Dean feels like a little girl in denial.

Sam thankfully decides to distract Dean and the girls with a drinking game he learned in college and Dean tears his eyes away to try and pay attention to the rules. He is grateful for the distraction from Cas' dance floor shenanigans and mentally demotes Sam from queen to plain old bitch again.

Another song ends and Cas slides back into their booth alone.

"Where is your new girlfriend?" Dean doesn't mean for it to sound as bitchy as it does but Cas doesn't seem to notice.

"Getting another round. She propositioned me for sex but I have learned that it would be rude to leave you and Sam." Cas says calmly and goes back to trying to learn the rules of the game by watching. August is bouncing on Deans lap every time she wins and Dean is horrified that it isn't even doing it for him, even a little. He is too busy trying to think of a way to keep Cas from getting laid once they all leave the bar.

"I don't know man. What do you know about this chick?" Dean sighs to Cas trying to sound like a good caring friend, not a jealous dick of an ex… or something.

Cas gives Dean an honest to god dirty smirk, "I know that she is very flexible. Besides, I knew nothing of Chastity and you were very keen on me having intercourse with her. Elly is much more attractive and does not require payment."

Elly slides back into the booth before Dean can even try to fight through the fog of lust that smile caused so he can reply. Dean is having trouble not reaching across the table and shoving her off her perch on Cas lap as Sam repeats the rules and they start the game over.

They hang out at the bar another hour, the latter half of which Dean has to watch Cas and Elly make out like horny teenagers. Cas makes all sorts of dirty sounds that Dean is horrified by because he totally recognizes from most of them from that one night in the back of the Impala. The last night Dean has to admit to himself he actually had satisfying sex. He feels even worse because those sounds are making it much easier to pretend he is actually into what August is trying to do him.

"We should take this back to my place." Elly pants and Dean feels like puking when Cas grunts in agreement. She slithers out of the booth, grabbing Cas hand and stops as if to think. "Do your friends wanna come? I have extra rooms and it's really close by." She giggles watching Sam enthusiastically lick up his new friends neck as she gasps and blushes.

Dean is close to some sort of break down, he just knows it and having to be in the same house as Cas taps that might just break the camels back but before he can reject the request Sam goes back to being a queen bitch. "Sounds fun lets go!"

The other girls cheer and they all stumble out of the bar. Elly is sashaying in the front of the group having some sort of girl conversation with Sam's librarian chick and August while the boys follow a few paces behind.  
They're back to walking in companionable silence even when Dean wants to scream and maybe push Cas into traffic.

Cas is sporting a major hickey on his neck and his eyes are still following Elly's ass while they walk. "Dude what is she, a vampire? Can't you heal that shit?" Dean blurts out.

Sam rolls his eyes. "Don't you think that would a be a little suspicious, Dean?"

Cas gives a nod without stopping his ogling, Dean might be imagining it but he thinks he catches Cas looking at him whenever he looks away but Dean is positive it's his drunken imagination. Cas is apparently an ass man and perfectly content to watch his new love and freaking ignore Dean.

Elly wasn't lying when she said her place was close and they're there faster then Dean would have liked. The house is pretty big and she hands out beers before smiling coyly at Cas and leading him upstairs. August had rushed to the bathroom as soon as they got there and was probably puking which _eww_ Dean so wasn't into that kind of stuff. Sam and his friend wander off to find a bedroom while Dean plunks down onto the couch with his beer. He gets comfortable but a few minutes later he hears the distinct thumping of a bed and loud moans. _Awesome_ apparently Cas is loud when he fucks everyone, not just Dean.

There are deep throaty groans and gasps, some screaming of 'harder' and 'yes, please' later on, then blissful silence. For about ten minutes that is and then it starts up all over again. Dean thinks about finding a crossroads for a desperate second to strike-up a deal and make the loud little bitch explode or something, totally worth going back to hell for. He shakes his head and mentally acknowledges that when he is contemplating going back to hell he has officially lost it.

The house has been quiet for about an hour when he hears footsteps on the staircase, he is kind of hoping whomever it is won't notice he is awake but no dice because he hears a very feminine sigh.

"Dude, I totally know you're awake." Fucking great, it's Cas' fuck buddy. "We didn't actually fuck you know." Dean shoots up, _wait who says what now_?

Elly is standing in front of him with an amused smirk on her face. Her skanky outfit is gone and she is wearing a pair of jeans and an Aerosmith t-shirt. She throws herself down next to Dean and sighs again.

"Look, I really wanted to let you stew all night like the miserable loser you are, personally I think you deserve it but Cas seems to think you have learned your lesson." _Lesson_?

"What the hell are you talkin' about lady?" Elly turns to look Dean into the eyes and _fuck him_ , her pretty blue-grey eyes glow for a second and Dean hears/sees the shadow of wings spread out onto the wall behind her. A few of the lights in the kitchen go out and Dean jumps up. "What the fucking fuck? Your an angel!"

"Ding ding. You're a real genius, Father what does Castiel see in you? Now sit down and listen to me while I'm asking nicely because I'm only going to have this conversation once."  
She pats the couch cushion next to her invitingly and Dean finds himself sitting blaming it on stupid angel mojo.

"Look don't be mad at him, okay? It was my idea to make you jealous. I… I guess I kind of wanted you to know what it was like to see the man you love with someone else. It's really easy to pretend you don't have feelings for Cas when he only has eyes for you. But, well, I figured if those eyes wandered maybe you would get a little perspective. Dude, you are so slow though and there is only so much fake sex a girl can have. Ya feel me?"

"I wasn't jealous." Is the only thing Dean can think of to say and yeah it isn't the wittiest thing ever but what do you say when an angel is lecturing you about your love life with another angel.

"Now go up there and kiss the holy light out of him." She squeals. Dean stumbles up but her arm shoots out to stop him. "Oh wait, almost forgot." Two small fingers press to Dean's forehead and his drunken fog lifts. "Now go man up or, I swear on Lucy's cage, I will actually go up there myself and fuck that angel." She growls shoving Dean towards the stairs.

"Over my dead body." Dean yells back as he thunders up the stairs. He finds Cas sitting on the bed in the last room in the hall looking at nothing in particular.

He doesn't look at Dean when he comes in just gives him his usual, "Hello Dean."

"Hey Cas." Dean mumbles suddenly feeling stupid for being there. What was he supposed to say? _Hey I'm glad your not really having crazy sex with some hot chick. Wanna be my boyfriend_?

"I would prefer not to label our relationship so early on." _Stupid mind reading dicks._

Cas gets up and paces for a bit before slowly walking over to Dean. In a second he is right where Dean has wanted him all night, all warm and invading Dean's personal space with his stupid creepy unwavering stare. Cas opens his mouth to say something but Dean can't really take this awkward shit anymore so he pulls him by collar into a steamy kiss. Cas gasps and Dean takes the opportunity to dive his tongue in to taste him. Dean yanks him away and he is practically glowing with satisfaction when he sees how lust blown Cas' eyes are and kiss wrecked his mouth is.

"I will never admit I said this, ever. It will never be repeated. Do you understand me?" Dean purrs before pulling Cas back for another kiss. Cas' tongue joins his this time and they both let out a groan. What was Dean going to say? Oh right.

Dean yanks them apart again and steadies Cas.

"You are mine, you angelic dick and you will never fucking dance like that again unless its for me and it's a private damn show. "

That sexy smirk from the bar is back and Cas leans forward pressing Dean against the door. "I think that can be arranged."


End file.
